Man fuck all these guys, I want a film about Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes and their path through the world of Jizz music. Was their appearance in the Mos Eisly cantina in Star Wars part of their long coast into obscurity? Was it part of a point in their career where they honed their chops to monofilament-perfection like the Beatles in Hamburg? Was it the turning point where Nalan Cheel got her left thumb shot off in the fracas after one deadbeat shot another deadbeat, and put down the bandfill forever in favor of the hokotaur, developing a distinctive style that would go on to influence a generation? I want a musical biopic with all their greatest hits, all the tunes that left a solid mark on Jizz. I want to know about their pivotal role in the 300th annual Galactivision contest.

Egypt Urnash, My Star Wars pitch. Call me, Disney! (Don’t.)